Saturday, February 5, 2011


Wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy. I am tired.. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me last night and now I'm at work..

Anyways, It's super warm today, 33 degrees. Seriously, it feels so good after -21 last week. 

I was talking to my friend about my blog and she said something about how brave I am for posting about my eating disorder and recovery. Let me tell you a secret though; it is not easy. It's really hard to be so vulnerable and put such personal matters out there for everyone to read. It's been so scary that I've thought about making my blog private, but I decided that would defeat the whole purpose of my blog. The purpose that has started to show itself. The purpose of maybe helping one person feel comforted that they are not alone in their addiction and that there is hope in recovery. If I can help just one person through this blog then I'm a happy camper. After all I know a big reason why I was given this trial of my eating disorder is so I can help others who struggle with the same thing. And so I can feel empathy and love for those who are going through the trial of an eating disorder, or any other addiction. 

While in treatment I learned the analogy of the sand hill and the marble. I used this as encouragement for my recovery to help me remember recovery is not an instant thing, it takes lots of time and work-hard work. This analogy applies to all change. Sorry if I ruin it but here is my rendition of it;

Imagine a sand hill with a marble on top of it. If you give the marble a nudge it is going to go down the sand hill creating a groove. Now each time you nudge the marble it will naturally go down that same groove. The more and more you nudge that marble the deeper and deeper the groove will get and the less you'll have to nudge the marble for it to make its way down the path. When you want the marble to go down a different, maybe even opposite path, it will take work and training. The marble will naturally want to go down the path that is deep and easily gone down with just a little nudge. As you make the marble go down the new path you have to do it over and over again because at first the marble will want to go down the old bath becuase the groove is deeper. But as you make the marble go down the new path (many times) eventually the new path will become what is natural for the marble to go down and the old path will blow away.

I don't know if that made any sense, but hey it's the best I can do.

Some friends, my roommates and I celebrated the Chinese new year on Thursday. Rachel (thank you!) cooked us some amazing chinese food and we played games and did crafts (thanks to Kristi!) It was super fun. I look forward to celebrating it every year! :-)

 Home-made Chinese lanterns

 The hot pot

The wonderful chef on the right.. love her eyes they look so creepy


  1. Oh kenzi, I'm very proud of you. I know talking about eating disorders and addictions can't be easy, and I'm sure you still fight it every day of your life but your doing amazing. Putting things out there does make you vulnerable but it's uplifting to see you recover so well. It's a lot of work so great job and keep it up!

  2. love you kiki!!! And I super love your blog :)

  3. Thanks so much Blair! I love you steph! And I love your blog..Maybe you should post again soon! ;-)

  4. Steph, I very much so appreciate your last two posts :-)

  5. you are brave! Thanks for sharing :)