ZZZzzzz

Not gonna lie..I am SOOO excited for this tonight..

School is stressful and busy right now with midterms and everything. I've had to cram in lots of hour at work lately into short periods of time. It's not like my job is that tiring but I am TIRED!  But hey I got to go to Disneyland this past week and am going to New York next week. (I promise I really will blog about the trips at some point.) So it is definitely worth it cramming my hours in so that I could take this past week and next week off (spring break is next week). Now that I think about it- it is SO worth it. I can't complain. Life is good. I am grateful. I am tired and I am happy. Happy almost tuesday. :-)

Ode to my Roommates

I was so blessed to be put with the roommates I have. They are amazing. Of course, sometimes it is hard for all of us living in a small apartment with five girls but I couldn't be luckier. Here are a few things I appreciate about them:

1.They put up with my craziness-which has been extra crazy lately. 

2. They love me for the person I am. I can be my real self around them.

3. When I need to vent or just have girl talk they are right there willing to help.

4. They are wonderful examples to me of how I want to live my life.

5. They make yummy food and share :-)

Let me share with you a few of the kind deeds they have done for me lately that I have greatly appreciated;

Emily gave me this book the other day:

I could try and explain what this book is and the wonder of it but I could not give it enough justice so please go to its website here and see for yourself just how incredible this book is and how talented the artist/photographer Mark Mabry is. Thank you so much Em, this is something I will treasure forever.

Today I had to work. I thought I was only going to be working from 4-8 but then my friend I work with called me asking me to take her shift because she is sick. So I did. But now I'm stuck at the Library until midnight. Em was so kind to bring me a yummy dinner completed with my favorite pita chips and a diet coke (which I was in extreme need for since I didn't go to bed last night {I'll save those details for another post}and am pretty tired.) Thank you so much Em!

A couple of my other wonderful roommates bought me these beautiful flowers because of my grandpa's passing. It was so kind and thoughtful of them. Thanks Leish and Kristi!

I love you roomies!

Here are some random pics of us just for kicks:

Thank you so much for being the amazing people you are!

By the way...did I tell you I'm going to this magical place this week?..

I can't wait!

 

Ha ha that says "work" on the sinking ship in the middle

Apron

I've started cooking dinner every night. It's quite enjoyable and the food been really good so far if I do say so myself. The people I've fed it to haven't gotten sick yet ;-) I decided since I am now cooking lots I need an apron. I'll probably just make one but if I were to buy one it would be this one that I found on etsy. 

Isn't it cute?!

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (To Serve)

Prego People

Today in my political science class the TA yelled at our class..it was pretty unnecessary, but she's pregnant so everyone excused it. I'm excited to be prego someday and just blame all my craziness on that. Beware husband ;-)

Celebration of a Life

This is my handsome grandpa. He passed away last night. I don't want this to be a sad post, but a happy post about a great life. I am thankful for the knowledge I have about what happens after death and I look forward to getting to know him better in the next life. Love you gpa! Thank you for living the life you did and helping make my mom the amazing woman she is.

Today Was a Beautiful, Sunny Day

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you." -Maori Proverb

The past few days have been exactly what I needed.

 My friend Kels got married Thursday. She was the most beautiful bride!

 Saturday was the Mardi Gras party on campus. We made masks for it -even though masks weren't allowed.

 

It ended up being super fun!

 My wonderful friends Kume and Kris danced at it. I want one of those outfits!

 There was a casino of course.

Tonight some friends and I had a Valentines day mock-tail (virgin cocktail) party. It was way fun until I had to leave early and come to work. But it's ok because I love my job and have lots of reading to get done.

The best part of these past few days was today my mom came and visited me from Salt Lake for about an hour. I haven't seen her in over a month (which I don't think has ever happened). We had the best talk completed with "I'm so proud of you"s, "I miss you"s and "I love you"s. Along with those comforting hugs that only moms have to give. Thanks for coming up mom! I love you. Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Dear Friends and Family

I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your responses to my last post. The emails, phone calls and late night chats in the living room were exactly what I needed. I feel honored to call you my friends and family. My struggles right now have been made lighter because of you guys. (you know who you are :) I can't thank you all enough. I love you all so much! Happy love day! :-)

Trials

Usually it is a little easier for me to be grateful for my trials. But right now I just plain hate them. 

"The hottest fire makes the hardest steel."

I like this quote from an article I found on lds.org 

"Life would be easier without trials, but we wouldn’t learn or grow much. Trials can humble us, help us grow spiritually, and remind us that we need the Lord’s help. Trials can help us learn to appreciate times of peace. Most important, they give us opportunities to show the Lord and ourselves that we will be faithful." If you want you can read the full article here."

Does anyone have any words of wisdom about trials? I'm needing some.

I heart USU

Utah State is such a fabulous school. Today I was looking on the school events calendar and found out the school is putting on a body image workshop. How great is that!? Here's the info:

Body Image Workshop

Wednesday, Feb 09 - 5:00PM to 6:30PM

Learn how media influences our body image and what you can do to build healthy body acceptance.

Sponsor:Counseling and Psychological Services

Location:Taggart Student Center

Room:310 B

Open To:Students Faculty Staff 

Contact:

Michelle Lerwill
435-797-1012
michelle.lerwill@usu.edu

 

Who couldn't use a little help on learning how to love and accept yourself more? I would be there but I have a best buddies valentines day party to attend to-I'm so excited!

 

 

It's Gonna Be a Good Day

Today I woke up after three short hours of sleep dreading my busy Wednesday schedule that was even busier than usual. 

Guess what I decided though? I want today to be a good day. So I'm going to make it a good day.

Dear Climbing..

..I really do love you. There's a feeling I get when I climb that cannot be explained. It definitely is worth the nasty big toe I have right now. My toe nail is split in half. I could feel my toe hurting yesterday when I was climbing but didn't really notice how bad it hurt until the water from my shower this morning hit it and lifted half of my toe nail up. Ouch. 

Maybe it's from squeezing into rock climbing shoes (that are supposed to be very tight, almost uncomfortable.) The smart thing to do would be to take a break from climbing-but I can't-I have fallen in love. So I guess I'll just tape up my toe real good and climb until it hurts too bad.

Unmotivated

I am feeling very unmotivated right now with school. Maybe just a case of the spring semester blues? Any advice? - I need it!

I need me one of these!

Saturday

Wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy. I am tired.. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me last night and now I'm at work..

Anyways, It's super warm today, 33 degrees. Seriously, it feels so good after -21 last week. 

I was talking to my friend about my blog and she said something about how brave I am for posting about my eating disorder and recovery. Let me tell you a secret though; it is not easy. It's really hard to be so vulnerable and put such personal matters out there for everyone to read. It's been so scary that I've thought about making my blog private, but I decided that would defeat the whole purpose of my blog. The purpose that has started to show itself. The purpose of maybe helping one person feel comforted that they are not alone in their addiction and that there is hope in recovery. If I can help just one person through this blog then I'm a happy camper. After all I know a big reason why I was given this trial of my eating disorder is so I can help others who struggle with the same thing. And so I can feel empathy and love for those who are going through the trial of an eating disorder, or any other addiction. 

While in treatment I learned the analogy of the sand hill and the marble. I used this as encouragement for my recovery to help me remember recovery is not an instant thing, it takes lots of time and work-hard work. This analogy applies to all change. Sorry if I ruin it but here is my rendition of it;

Imagine a sand hill with a marble on top of it. If you give the marble a nudge it is going to go down the sand hill creating a groove. Now each time you nudge the marble it will naturally go down that same groove. The more and more you nudge that marble the deeper and deeper the groove will get and the less you'll have to nudge the marble for it to make its way down the path. When you want the marble to go down a different, maybe even opposite path, it will take work and training. The marble will naturally want to go down the path that is deep and easily gone down with just a little nudge. As you make the marble go down the new path you have to do it over and over again because at first the marble will want to go down the old bath becuase the groove is deeper. But as you make the marble go down the new path (many times) eventually the new path will become what is natural for the marble to go down and the old path will blow away.

I don't know if that made any sense, but hey it's the best I can do.

Some friends, my roommates and I celebrated the Chinese new year on Thursday. Rachel (thank you!) cooked us some amazing chinese food and we played games and did crafts (thanks to Kristi!) It was super fun. I look forward to celebrating it every year! :-)

 Home-made Chinese lanterns

 The hot pot

The wonderful chef on the right.. love her eyes they look so creepy

WARING: THE WORDS BODY AND IMAGE USED WAY TOO MUCH

One of my favorite blogs to read is C.Jane Enjoy It. The amazing writer of this blog is having her friend do a once-a-month guest blog post on body image. During my life I have learned a lot about body image and how distorted the world's view on body image is. I am passionate about helping people realize these lies that the media has put everywhere about body image, they are just that-lies. When you have five minutes please read this month's body image blog post from C.Jane Enjoy It here.- family and friends it would mean a lot to me if you did. This may help you better understand my view on body image and why I hate the world's view on it so much. 

The way you look or the number on the scale does not determine how beautiful or amazing you are - it does not determine your self worth. When thinking about this you may say to yourself "well I don't let those things determine my self worth." Think about the times when you hop on the scale in the morning and the number is 5 lbs more than you want it to be, or you are having one of those days where you just feel not cute. (If you don't ever have those days good for you.) Really, think about it, those things end up determining your mood and how you present yourself that morning, which usually ends up staying for the whole day. These bad feelings about yourself and the repercussions of them will most likely hold you back from your full potential for that day. Work little by little at not letting those things effect you. When bad thoughts about yourself come to your mind, every time they do, replace the thought with 3 positive things about yourself (they don't need to be physical) and see what happens. As you get in the habit of doing this you will start to understand your true worth-which is great worth.

Burrrrrrr

Today walking to work up here in good ol Logan it was -2 degrees F but with the windchill the weather report said it felt like -17 degrees. Pretty dang cold! I love the cold, but not this cold. Happy Wednesday!

Mormon Mommy Blogs

Are you as obsessed with Mormon Mommy Blogs as I am? Then read this! :-)

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it’s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it’s to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
-Author unknown