Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Right Now.

Right now, this very moment, I am working on living today. Living in the moment. Let me tell you what a piece of work this is for me. I tend to think about the future way too much, the past a little too much and the present not enough.  I truly believe that peace comes from living in the moment and that is why I am working on this. I catch myself thinking so often about what I should be doing, not what I am doing now. "I can't wait to graduate." "I wish I could go on my mission now. I wonder where I will go." "I hope I get my internship this summer. What if I don't?" "I wonder when I'll get married (I'm starting to become a menace to society in the Utah State - mini BYU culture..I only have a few years before it will be embarrassing if I'm not married with a lil baby bump.)" "What if I don't get married?" "What if I don't get married til I'm 40?" "When will I have kids? I want a lot, shouldn't I start like now?" "I can't wait to be one of those stereotypical Mormon mommies." "When I find the man of my dreams how will I tell him about my past?" "When will my broken heart heal?" "What if I did this or that differently? How would things have turned out?" "When will my past come back to bite me? It's bound to happen someday." "What do I do when my kids ask me certain questions about when I was young that I just don't want to answer?" "Will my kids have the health problems I have?" "Will they love themselves?" "Will they develop eating disorders? Will it be all my fault if they do?" "How will I live with myself if they do?" Judge me for my thoughts, but I know you all think/thought them as well.

This is my friend Brady. He is one of nicest, most genuine people I have ever met. He was shot in the head last week and is in the hospital in critical condition. He is fighting to live his todays.Fighting to live this exact moment.

I am sick of living in the past and the future and the maybes and the "what ifs". Life is now. Last time I checked I have an incredible life, that I am so blessed to have. Right now I am doing things that are great and are what I need to be doing right now. I am changing the world in my own little ways today. My life is today. Right now. And I'm going to try not to spend one more second worrying about any other time than the present. Because who knows when your last time to live right now will be. After all it's called the present for a reason- it is a gift from God.

I love you all. xoxo


  1. Kenzi, this post was amazing. You are amazing! I actually really needed this tonight, so thank-you! And I am really sorry about your friend. I will keep him in my prayers.

  2. Funny how what you're going through is what I've gone through so many times! Living in the moment is something that I've been focusing on right now to. To be satisfied with my life and live it to the fullest. To find the good in every moment.

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That's super tough. He will be in my prayers as well!

  3. Chills. Thanks for the great reminder of living for the nows and not worry about the used to be's or the going to be's. I love you kenz. And you...as well as brady are in my prayers.